Real talk · Her & her

My wife stopped touching me. So I tried 20 fixes and ranked the top 5. My #1 worked in one night.

Seven months of being "bed besties" with the woman I married, gone in one Friday. Worst to best, and why #1 is an aphrodisiac we take together.

Nina R., 34, Portland · together 6 years, married 3
7 min read

I know what "goodnight" sounds like when it means "not tonight." I know how to sleep two inches from her back so we don't touch by accident.

Our car gets serviced every three months. Dani and I had gone seven without sex.

So I made a list and tried 20 fixes in eight weeks. Most were a waste of money, a few helped a little, and one worked the first night. (#1 isn't "communicate more." That came in last.)

How we became bed besties

Nobody fought, which almost made it worse. At 10:40 we'd each pick up a phone, turn our backs and say goodnight to the wall.

I started living in hoodies, mostly her old XXL one from college. If she couldn't see me, she couldn't not want me.

She'd smile at that phone at 11 PM, and it wasn't me texting. It was Tess from her office, who brings her coffee every day and makes her laugh. I noticed when Dani started dressing up for work.

Too tired, always on her phone, and the coworker: three ways I was losing her. Then I nearly added a fourth.

Month five, a friend's birthday, a woman at the bar who looked at me the way Dani used to. I almost kissed someone else. I didn't. I cried in the driveway with the engine running. I felt like my wife's roommate, not her girl, and I could not lose her.

What it took me 20 tries to figure out

Dani still wanted me. She told me so, crying, during fix #5. What we'd lost was the start.

Early on, one look got us to the bedroom. By year four I was the one who always asks, and every "not tonight" made the next ask harder, until asking felt like begging. On her side, every ask landed as pressure:

With two women, there's no script for who goes first. Dani is all in once it starts. She just never starts it.

And we believed the worst thing: if we have to plan it, it's over. So we waited for the mood to fall out of the sky. It never did.

So how do we start without anyone asking? My 20 answers, ranked:

#2

The bracelet

7/10

Found on Reddit at 2 AM:

someone on r/LesbianActually

"with my ex are used to wear a bracelet if I was in the mood or otherwise, OK with her making a move."

Wearing it means "I'm in," so nobody has to ask or get turned down out loud. I ordered two red string bracelets that night.

Dani wore hers once, and I almost cried into the coffee maker. But someone still has to go first. I wore mine eleven nights in a row while hers sat on the nightstand. A bracelet can say "I'm in," but it can't get two people to say it at the same time.

What I needed was a bracelet we'd both put on at once. My best friend Rae read my list, laughed and said "You're both waiting for the other one to go first." The next day she left a box on my desk with a sticky note: "one each. same time. thank me tomorrow xx"

#1

An aphrodisiac we take together: the Two-Yes Rule

10/10

Rae's box was Freaky Cubes, an aphrodisiac you take together. It came with one rule: one cube each, at the same time, no speech and no begging. She calls it the Two-Yes Rule.

I take mine and hold out hers, that's my yes. Dani takes it, that's hers. Nobody asked, and nobody had to say no out loud.

It's the bracelet, except we each eat ours at the same moment, so nobody goes first. That Friday I left the box on the nightstand and texted her at lunch.

Fri 12:41 PM

box is on the nightstand 🌶️

is that a question

it's a cube

leaving at 5. don't start without me

She took the cube out of my hand before her coat was off. The chili hits first, so we both knew the night had started. Thirty minutes later she was all over me like month one, and for the first time in seven months she made the first move.

By the time the dishes were in the sink, I was wet and she was pulling my hoodie over my head. Tess texted at 9:15. The phone stayed face down. Her coworker gets the coffee runs. Friday, I got her.

What happens when we both take an aphrodisiac at once

Freaky Cubes are chili-coated aphrodisiac gummies. Three of the plants inside (maca root, horny goat weed and muira puama) have been used as aphrodisiacs for centuries.

Then there's caffeine with L-theanine, so we're wide awake instead of asleep by 10:40. And the chili coating is the heat you taste first.

I already knew about maca from Reddit:

So I'd tried it in my smoothie, just mine. All it did was make me the only one in the house waiting for something to happen. With the cubes, we take ours at the same second and feel it together:

1. Minute one

   The sugar melts first, then the chili, and my tongue and lips go hot. Dani licks the sugar off her thumb and looks at me like she's already decided.

2. Minute fifteen

   The warmth spreads down my neck and into my hands, and we're both wide awake. Her hand finds my lower back and stays there.

3. Minute forty

   She backs me into the kitchen counter. Every time I come up for air, she pulls me back in.

4. Almost midnight

   She's the one asking for round two. This is the woman who used to say goodnight to the wall.

Rae says the aphrodisiac does the heat and the rule does the asking, so neither of us has to.

See the box Rae gave me →

The 15 that didn't make the list

• Waiting for her to go first. Three weeks. Nope.
• Same bedtime. She was asleep in four minutes.
• Maca in my smoothie. Tasted like a basement.
• Sexting her at work. Reply: "lol in a meeting 😅"
• A towel, "accidentally." She asked if I was cold.
• Her favorite perfume. "Smells nice." Rolled over.
• A massage "with no agenda." She knew.
• A couples card game. We fought about card three.
• A toy. Still in the box, in the closet.
• A weekend away. We slept 11 hours.
• The "his & hers" TikTok gummies. I tried mine alone. Nothing.
• A sex book. We got to chapter two.
• One therapy session. Homework: talk about it. (See #5.)
• Wine. Asleep on the couch by 9:40.
• Candles. Smoke alarm.

Other couples, same story

Turns out 10,000+ couples already use the Two-Yes Rule.

What Fridays look like now

We were bed besties most of this year. Not this winter.

Now Dani texts first, usually at lunch: "cube tonight?" I still wear the hoodies, they just don't stay on long.

On Saturday mornings she won't let me out of bed, and my hoodie is never where I left it.

I feel like her girl again. I wish I'd found these a year ago.

What it costs (and what my list cost)

My 20 fixes: $86 of lingerie, $140 of date night, $180 for one therapy session, $38 of maca, two bracelets, the TikTok gummies. Over $450 to stay bed besties.

A box is 8 cubes, so 4 nights for two, for $29.99. Two boxes would be $59.98, but 2 Boxes is $44.98 (save 25%), about $5.62 a night for both of us. We got 2, because one Friday turned into a habit fast.

Heads-up: $44.98 is the launch price, and it ends at midnight tonight. This batch is almost gone too, so I wouldn't wait on a restock.

🔥 Launch price ends in tonight · this batch is almost gone

Pick your nights

1 Box4 nights for two$29.99 MOST POPULAR · SAVE 25%2 Boxes8 nights for two$59.98$44.98 LOWEST PRICE A NIGHT · SAVE 33%6 Boxes (4 + 2 Free)24 nights for two$179.94$119.96

Free US shippingPlain package, no logoNo subscription60-day money-back

Get our 2 boxes → 60-day money-back guarantee · No subscription

Or keep waiting for the mood to fall out of the sky. I gave that seven months.

Sixty days is a lot of Fridays. For me it was always less about the sex than about Dani reaching for me first again.

Try the Two-Yes Rule → Free US shipping · Plain package, no logo

Questions I had too

Last thing: the launch price ends at midnight tonight. After that, 2 boxes go back to $59.98, if this batch hasn't sold out first.

Reset our Fridays → Launch price ends at midnight · 60-day money-back guarantee